Plan to be Spontaneous.

I'm always being told to chill out, stop worrying, relax! My son told me just an hour ago, that I worry too much.

They are right of course, but it's easier said than done. I'd love to be laid back, to take everything in my stride, to have nothing faze me, but that's not me.

Yes, I over analyse, I over think, I over plan and over prepare. The thought of attending a meeting without being 100 percent prepared for any eventuality, fills me with absolute dread. It even gives me nightmares.

There are particular deadlines in my job that are finite, it's black and white, if you miss the deadline, you miss the business. When I know that there's one coming up I'm on tender hooks even though its normally not within my control, I have colleagues who are on the front line of these deadlines, ultimately it's not my responsibility.

There was a huge deadline today, and guess what....... I had a migraine. Surprise, surprise. Who'd have thought it!

I tried to explain to Rob and Amy a couple of weeks ago about why I need to prepare and can't just drop everything and 'pop' out for a bit. Of course I used spoons! They got it. Particularly Rob, who sometimes does find it difficult to understand my illness. It's not for want of trying as he's been looking after me for quite some time but every now and again we have a little breakthrough when I'm more able to explain and Robs able to understand.

If I know I am going to be busy at the end of the week I tend to rest more before and after. We've got a weekend away coming up so I've booked the Friday and Monday off work so that I can cope.

It's very frustrating, when Rob says let's go out tonight, and I have to say no, because I haven't had a nap in the afternoon, so the last thing I can imagine doing is getting out of my slouchy pjs to go out in the cold.

So, the only way I can be spontaneous, is to plan ahead! Whether you consider that to be cheating, ruining the moment or just an oxymoron ( get me using big words!) I'm afraid that is how it has to be. So please bear with me while I research, prepare, consider and plan, and then we can 'do lunch'.

Be strong!