What a week!

I feel like I've not quite been 'with it' at all this week.

I travelled to Liverpool and back, then down to Bournemouth for meetings for 3 days and then home again.

I had a migraine in Liverpool and its taken me all week to recover.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm watching myself from a distance. It's like an out of body experience. I can see myself moving more and more slowly, mumbling over my words, withdrawing into myself. I have a really calm exterior but inside I'm panicking; not screaming, cos that would take too much energy!

When I get to the stage when I don't have the energy to smile, talk, or think. When the effort of putting one foot in front of the other becomes too much of an effort, I know I have to stop. I have to get into bed, cover my eyes with my mask, put my meditation music on, take my meds and relax.

It feels so lovely to totally, absolutely relax. That feeling when nothing else matters, when the stress and strain drains from my body and flows away. It's bliss. It feels like I can breath freely again, the weight of every day problems falls away, are irrelevant.

That's when my battery's recharge.

That's what I need now.

I hope you are able to find the same feeling of total relaxation sometimes. It doesn't always work, I have to prepare and get my mind into the right state, and if the pains too bad, I can't find relaxation.

But it does happen most of the time, perhaps I'm lucky? How do you relax?

Here's to recharged batteries.

Keep smiling

Dee

Plan to be Spontaneous.

I'm always being told to chill out, stop worrying, relax! My son told me just an hour ago, that I worry too much.

They are right of course, but it's easier said than done. I'd love to be laid back, to take everything in my stride, to have nothing faze me, but that's not me.

Yes, I over analyse, I over think, I over plan and over prepare. The thought of attending a meeting without being 100 percent prepared for any eventuality, fills me with absolute dread. It even gives me nightmares.

There are particular deadlines in my job that are finite, it's black and white, if you miss the deadline, you miss the business. When I know that there's one coming up I'm on tender hooks even though its normally not within my control, I have colleagues who are on the front line of these deadlines, ultimately it's not my responsibility.

There was a huge deadline today, and guess what....... I had a migraine. Surprise, surprise. Who'd have thought it!

I tried to explain to Rob and Amy a couple of weeks ago about why I need to prepare and can't just drop everything and 'pop' out for a bit. Of course I used spoons! They got it. Particularly Rob, who sometimes does find it difficult to understand my illness. It's not for want of trying as he's been looking after me for quite some time but every now and again we have a little breakthrough when I'm more able to explain and Robs able to understand.

If I know I am going to be busy at the end of the week I tend to rest more before and after. We've got a weekend away coming up so I've booked the Friday and Monday off work so that I can cope.

It's very frustrating, when Rob says let's go out tonight, and I have to say no, because I haven't had a nap in the afternoon, so the last thing I can imagine doing is getting out of my slouchy pjs to go out in the cold.

So, the only way I can be spontaneous, is to plan ahead! Whether you consider that to be cheating, ruining the moment or just an oxymoron ( get me using big words!) I'm afraid that is how it has to be. So please bear with me while I research, prepare, consider and plan, and then we can 'do lunch'.

Be strong!

It Will Pass

Sleep - 5

Pain - 4

Migraine - 2

Fibrofog - 3

IBS - 3

Tiredness - 5

(1=minimal, 5=chronic)

Hello everyone

Apologies for being absent for so long, much has happened. In particular, my daughter, my friend and my secretary (lol) has moved away for an exciting job ( so proud ).  She comes home every other weekend which is fabulous, so I'm back to writing my own blog!  I'm afraid it will be less frequent, so please bear with me.

I was determined to see my husband perform in a charity do on Thursday evening. This is absolutely unheard of. Not only would it be a late night but also during the week. It was also a sell out, so I 'booked' a chair, made sure I had someone to sit with and kept to drinking water all night. I decided that I miss so much that I would be there come hell or high water.

It was a fantastic night, I laughed harder than I'd laughed for ages. It was lovely to be in the company of family and friends after having missed out on so many other events.

I even managed to have 2, yes 2, slow "dances" with my wonderful hubby. Ok, so we hardly moved, and we danced in the corner of the room instead of on the packed dance floor. But it felt fabulous.

However, of course, I paid for it afterwards. In fact by about 11.30 pm my left eye lid started drooping. This is a new symptom, not one I've ever experienced before and it was a little scary. Thankfully, by the morning it was back to normal. I worked from home Friday, and didn't feel too bad. 

It's quite normal for me to spend all weekend in bed, and this weekend was no different. The tiredness and pain was higher than normal. 

Saturday night I struggled to sleep and actually felt so tired that I worried that my body would give up breathing while I was asleep, because breathing felt like such an effort. My hips, my neck, my scalp, my legs; they all hurt.

Rob ( hubby ) always comforts me with "it'll pass" and he's always right, it does.

That's become our mantra; it will pass, it will pass, it WILL pass!

So, I've relied more than normal on my 'Classics for Meditation,' blackout eye mask, neck support, pain relief. But more than anything I'll continue to rely on my Rob and my lovely family to keep me going in mind, body and spirit!

Keep smiling x