Weather and FM

I can remember my grandparents complaining that the weather exacerbated their ailments and can also remember dismissing the comments as moans and groans.

However, I posthumously apologize to them, now that I've reached the age where I completely understand what they meant and can truly 'feel' their pain. 

Not only do I 'feel the cold' more than I've ever done but my bones actually ache.

I suffer with myofascial pain in my jaw which triggers at any time but particularly when its really cold.

I also find the muscle pains throughout my body heighten when its cold.

So my shopping list for the weekend includes a snood and I'm wrapping up warm and snug as a bug!

Now all I need to do is stop the hot flushes! Life's so complicated :-) 

Stay well.

DeeDee

Lucky Break

I haven't written for a while, I've no excuse, I just dont know where the time has gone.

However, I want to start the year on a positive note

I  don't want to jinx myself so I'm not going to say that I've seen an improvement in my FM, I'd rather say that my FM is different!

I haven't had so many headaches, and those that I have had are not as severe generally speaking.

I still have the extraordinary tiredness but I'm coping well with it I think.

Also, I'm not made bedridden by a slight cough or cold.

The thing I can't quite understand is whether I have actually felt better or whether I've just been too busy to be  ill. Perhaps its a bit of both?

How much does my state of mind affect my FM?

I know that if I have an important meeting at working I can cope, but the minute I know I can relax I crash! For example, I worked flat out up til Christmas, both at work and at home, but as soon as the Christmas lunch was over I had a rotten cold come on and last right through the Christmas break!

I don't get it! Its not a conscious decision, I can't choose when to cope and when to crash but I can predict when it will happen because the pattern is clear. This makes me wonder why I can't control it better. I know that I'm ill every Christmas and sure enough I am, so why can't I influence it?

My family always tell me that I over analyze everything so perhaps that's what im doing, but I can't help but wonder....

Just when I thought I was getting somewhere.......

It was going too well! I really thought my loved ones understood! I've tried to walk a fine line without bleating on about myself all the time but also explaining to those around me what was happening and why I can't do what I used to do. Until yesterday! I spent most of it in bed, trying to meditate and then sleep. Sleep is so precious to me, it's so difficult to get and then all of a sudden there were doors banging, the boys were talking and laughing and I'm awake again. The problem was I went straight to them and explained where they had gone wrong and yes, I'll admit I was curt, and if I'm honest too forthright. I should have waited until I was properly awake and calm. However, the reaction I got goes to show that they don't really understand at all. It's made me realise what I need to do. Firstly, hubby needs to take control of the house, keep things moving, stay organised because I don't have the strength to do this along with my job. I can't give up my job so I need more help in other areas. Secondly, I need to relax more, learn to meditate better and reduce my stress levels. Not everything is as important as I think it is, I need to let go of the less important things and save my energy. But, those around me do need to take responsibility for themselves rather than relying on me all the time. They are all grown up after all. Ok, end of rant. Sorry this isn't my normal positive outlook, this weekend has been very trying but I'm not out just a little down. Tomorrows another day and I'm sure it'll be far better and more productive. Onwards and upwards! Stay well. Dee

New Year - New Hope!

Wow, how time flies! I didn't realise it had been so long since I last blogged, I really need to get better access, I am trying to get a new laptop as I only have a business one which I don't like to use for personal stuff.

Anyway, I will make more of an effort to record my experiences as it's quite therapeutic and I should indulge myself a little more.

I managed the whole Xmas break with only one bad day! I hosted Xmas and had my parents staying which was absolutely fantastic. However, Xmas is always a stressful time for me as I like to make sure everyone has everything they need and all the trimmings are taken care of. I had alot of help this year, the kids did the decorations and my hubby did alot of the preparations and my parents helped while they were with us too. It was lovely, but I am now enjoying a slower pace and a more relaxing couple of days before going back to work.

I'm feeling quite positive too, financially we're not in a bad state considering it's January and I am more able to cope with my new job as I've finally got some experience under by belt. This year we are going to focus on decorating the house as we haven't done much to it since we moved in 4 years ago.

I've learnt my limits and although sometimes I do still push myself to the max, I generally know when to stop.

This year I am feeling grateful for what I have; my husband, my family, my friends, my job, my life!

It could be so much worse, I am a very lucky person.

Stay well

Dee

Mini Celebration!*~+**

Today I find that I have the energy and positiveness to feel good, in fact I'd like to quietly celebrate two little things.

Firstly, I went to the doctors last week for a medication review. I had found that my sleep was growing increasingly more difficult and as a result I am having terribly disturbing nightmares. I do have nightmares whenever I am under stress or have been involved in any unpleasantness, even if I see someone unrelated to me having a bad time, it's enough to bring me nightmares. But recently they have been unrelenting and very disturbing. It's always the same type of nightmare related to a certain period of my life; perhaps I'll talk about that at another time.

Anyway, my doctor was as always very understanding and has prescribed an additional sleeping tablet (Zumenov I think). This is in addition to the Amitriptylene that I'm already taking. She warned me not to take the extra sleeping pill unless I really needed to and wouldn't be driving the next day.

I took the first one last night and have got up this morning feeling almost refreshed. I think that's the right word because it's such a long time since I felt refreshed after a sleep that I might be imagining it.

Of course it could have been wishful thinking on my part and might not happen again; but today I'm going to take it for what it is and enjoy my little respite.

Secondly, which is a more worthwhile and long term acheivement; I haven't had a day off sick since I started my new job in April. Granted, I did come home early one day from the office with a migraine. There has also been the odd occassion when I didn't feel up to driving and my wonderful husband came with me; moral support more than anything, but it helped.

Not a single day off work sick since April; I must be doing something right!

The next few weeks will be a good measure of my condition as I'm already worrying about Christmas and the additional effort that I'll need, not to mention the additional money.

But you know what - I'm optimistic! What a lovely way to start the day.

Keep well

Dee

Ambition or Acceptance?

My husbands ambitious; he's never satisfied with his 'lot'. He's always finding imaginitive ways to push himself further. Sometimes he's successful and sometimes he's not, but he never gives up.

He runs his own business and he does have times when he feels like he's not getting anywhere but before long he finds another bout of energy and another idea to push ahead with.

I used to be the same; I wanted a high powered job, I wanted to be successful and in control but thanks to FM am having to learn another way of life. Acceptance!

It's somewhere between fighting and giving in. I can't fight it because that uses up valuable energy and doesn't get me anywhere. On the other hand I can't give in to it either. I'm not the sort of person to lay down and give up and I never will be.

However, I'm learning my limitations. On a good day I know I can work and drive and chair important business meetings, on a bad day I know I have to allow the FM to run it's course and maybe stay in bed.

That's not giving in, it's just letting go for a short time. I know it will pass when I'm having a bad day, so I have to accept that today's not going to be a good one and accept that I might have pain but I know that it will go away.

Sometimes I need my husband to remind me but most of the time I know that eventually the bad day will pass and I'll feel better again.

Bring on tomorrow!

Fraught festivities.

Over exertion has left me jaded. Daughters 21st birthday weekend, house guests, heavy meetings at work and general day to day chores and all of a sudden I'm out of energy.
So now I'm wondering how I'm going to cope with Christmas! There's no option this year I'm going to have to be super organised.

It always amazes me that just when I want to be ok; like when I've got time off work, or when there's a party or something special organised I get ill. For the past two Christmases I've either had a bad bout of flu or a nasty viral infection and have been out of action.

Last year hubby not only had to do all the present shopping in the lead up to Christmas but he also had to do the food shopping and cook the Christmas dinner. I'm so lucky to have him!

So this year, I'm starting early, I want all the presents bought by the end of this month, then I'll plan the meals and the table and spend November organising the bits and pieces in advance.

That will leave me only the food to do before hand. I shall not be making my own cards this year as that adds unneccessary pressure to my load (even though I do enjoy it).

So watch this space, and I'll let you know how my plan is progressing..... the count down has started!